Area Senior Remembers a Simpler Time When His Anus Didn't Leak

Area Senior Remembers A Simpler Time When His Anus Didn't Leak

CARSON CITY, NV—Once, movies were a quarter, soda pop only cost a nickel, and Hank Fletcher's sphincter was strong enough to expand and contract when he intended.

really fantastic stuff here:

"How I loved to stroll down the promenade arm in arm with my best gal, Dorothy," Fletcher says, shifting in his chair as he pages wistfully through a faded old scrapbook. "We'd talk and laugh, unconstrained by bulky plastic sacks tied to our waists, and go into all the shops—never to buy anything, of course, just to look and to dream. We'd wander along the boardwalk all evening, she with her blue Gainsborough hat and I with my clean underpants, all the while holding hands and not ejecting fecal matter from our anuses."

"But Dorothy's been gone for many a year now," he adds as he closes the scrapbook, "and as for my anus, well, as I said before, it leaks constantly."