Onion Horoscope of the Week

we have a tie.

after much debate and dissension, we've determined that two horoscopes are worthy of honor this week:

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Friction in the workplace continues this Thursday, making you wish someone would finally cut you loose from the belt sander.

Virgo August 23 - September 22

People say you're a control freak, but if you had your way, they'd say it a little slower and maybe even a touch louder.